I have a pigeon problem.
Apparently since this apartment was unlived in for six years, or so, the birds, chipmunks and other creatures felt welcome to move in. They've been trying to keep their home for the last few months, despite my discouragement and eviction notices.
I especially dislike pigeons. The rats of birds.
When I had an exterminator come to get rid of the cockroaches, ants, silverfish and termites that had been eating away at the apartment for those many years, I noticed in the brochure he gave me that his company also offered the Bird Pro Solution.
"What does this do? You have this service?" I asked.
"You have problem with pigeon?"
No, pigeons. "Yes, I do."
So I showed the exterminator man my "problem" areas: the back balcony where they like the pipes and railing, the top of the window A/C, the front balcony railings and ledges.
"Bird Pro Solution does not kill pigeon, ma'am," said the exterminator man. "It makes him unsatisfied with roosting and he goes to new perch."
"Okay." Sounds good enough to me.
"It does not kill pigeon. It is spikes we put so when pigeon sit, he is not satisfied and he flies away."
"You want this service, ma'am?"
I must have seemed too eager to be rid of the pigeons because he told me yet again that the service does not kill the pigeon but takes away his roosting place.
"Yes, I understand. He will still be alive to live somewhere else."
"I will have to give you a call back about the Bird Pro Solution."
"Okay, very good. How long? When will you call?"
"Two or three days, ma'am."
"Two or three days? So Friday?"
A week later I called the exterminator man and asked if he remembered about my pigeon problem.
"Your problem is a very difficult one, ma'am," he said. "I need to talk it over with the supervisor. I will give you a call back in two or three days."
"Two or three days?"
"Okay then. Thank you."
Another week and I called him again.
"Yes, ma'am, I have been very busy. Another two or three days and I will call."
Another week--or maybe two, I loose track there were so many calls.
"Two or three days, ma'am."
One week when I called, Mr. Exterminator man apologized because he was out of station and wouldn't be able to call back until the next week.
But then, hey, he did. He called. It only took five weeks.
"You are still interested in the Bird Pro Solution, ma'am?"
Haven't I called about it half a dozen times? "Yes."
"I will talk with my supervisor and call you in two or three days."
Right. That again. "Okay, very good."
The next day he called back. "You are present in your home on Monday?"
"On Monday? Yes. Which time?"
"3:30? Yes, I will be here at 3:30."
"On Monday 3:30 to 4 o'clock, we will come for appointment."
At 4:30 on Monday, the exterminator man brought over the Bird Pro man. We reviewed the problem areas. Yes, my pigeon problem was a difficult one. Difficult because four storeys above the street makes for dangerous working conditions and the grills over the windows make installation of spikes more complicated.
They needed to talk it over some more with the supervisor.
The next afternoon they called: "You are present in your home?"
"Yes, I am here."
"In ten, fifteen minutes we can come with supervisor to review your problem?"
"Ten, fifteen minutes."
Three men surveyed the problem areas and decided on solutions. First the Bird Pro man explained them all to me in Hindi, then the supervisor explained in English.
Exterminator man then said they'd email me a quote for their service in my situation in two to three days.
"Today is Tuesday, so that means Friday?"
"Yes, it will be sent by email."
"Okay. Thank you."
I thought about calling on Thursday because I had a pigeon incident.
I was walking around the living room with my mosquito-zapper racket killing flies when a pigeon actually flew in and ran into the refrigerator. It broke its leg and injured its wing. It lay there in a disgusting-looking heap of mangled bird.
I had that racket in my hand.
But no, I didn't zap the bird. I turned the racket off and used it to shoo the pigeon back out the door. Then I watched it fly into the neighbor's house across the street. Ayah.
I didn't call, but I waited and, sure enough, I had an email Friday morning from the Bird Pro man with my quote and contract details. It said I could call him with questions, so I did.
I wanted to know how soon this service could be put in action.
He said he would come over the next day at 11:30am to confirm the contract.
He came around 12:30pm and wanted to once more review all the problem areas. Then he called his supervisor who also wanted to come over and review.
Finally we filled out the contract and made an appointment for the installation next week.
This evening when I locked up, I didn't bother to shoo the pigeons off the back balcony.
Their days are numbered.